Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
