And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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