Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
