Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
