So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
