margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
