The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it glows. i had to have it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
