I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize