I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
