i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
