I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
