she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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