she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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