found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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