there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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