I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
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So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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