You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
