I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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