God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
