If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You are a genius and a whore.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
