is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
