bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
