You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
