Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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