Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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