fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
