If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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