she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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