3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
