Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
