we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
