Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
