it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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