turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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