he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
