Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.