i can juggle bunnies
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
sex in a hospital.. check
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.