if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.