so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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