Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.