I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack