nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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