So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
