He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
