Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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