Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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