Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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