i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
