you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize