I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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