Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
