I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I would ride that face into the sunset
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You did what with his pubic hair?
The air taste purple.
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