I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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