I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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