the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
