thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
