Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
