just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
