Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
