Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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