so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
