Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
