I skipped work to stalk him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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