I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.