I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize