Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants