Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
