Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say