Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!

(804): View more from Virginia

Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!

(703): View more from Virginia

well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.

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(703): i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days! (804): Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us! (703): well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted. http://tfl.nu/ybes

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(214): View more from Texas

So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.

(1-214): View more from Texas

Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.

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(214): So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat. (1-214): Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/vioy

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(323): View more from California

may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.

(818): View more from California

First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.

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(323): may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in. (818): First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats. http://tfl.nu/s5xw

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

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(774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1

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(416): View more from Toronto

Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.

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(416): Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements. http://tfl.nu/qg9u

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(512): View more from Texas

So....maintenance found the bullethole.....

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(512): So....maintenance found the bullethole..... http://tfl.nu/54el

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.

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(402): Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business. http://tfl.nu/965c

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(949): View more from California

Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.

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(949): Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive. http://tfl.nu/to91

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?

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(919): Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again? http://tfl.nu/p959

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(+61): View more from Australia

we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.

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(+61): we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together. http://tfl.nu/r78i

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends

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(919): Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends http://tfl.nu/02aa

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(850): View more from Florida

Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?

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(850): Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean? http://tfl.nu/rbfp

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(330): View more from Ohio

Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.

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(330): Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me. http://tfl.nu/bro7

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines

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(901): Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines http://tfl.nu/paji

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.

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(312): I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again. http://tfl.nu/hmft

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