well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
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You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.