I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.