I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
