So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
