dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
