Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
