I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
