Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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